It's not about me

So before I leave to go halfway around the world, my family has decided to take a vacation just to get away and spend some time together without any distractions. Our first stop is Niagara Falls, now if any of you have ever been you know it's ravishing, there really is nothing quite like it. It's a thing of pure beauty, a stunning attribute to Abba's power and love for us. Yet somehow in the midst of all this I found myself concentrating on...well me. I was reflecting back on sins and regrets and thinking how I could have avoided them. I was stuck on this thought for quite sometime until we went to a part of the falls that are called the Cave of the Winds. Here you have the opportunity to almost walk right up to the falls, literally so close that you could reach out and touch them, and as I'm standing therewith Hurricane force winds generated by the thousands of gallons of water rushing past me I felt Abba surround me and just whisper "this isn't about you, it's about me."

I would love to say that right then and there I got rid of my self pitying and spent the rest of the day focused on God, but I didn't I basked in that warm glow that comes from the intimate moments with Him but as soon as it was gone it was right back to my pity party. It took awhile for this to dawn on me because I'm a little hardheaded. Looking back it breaks my heart, but I feel Abba once again saying "this isn't about you, it's about me." Now it finally starts to dawn on me. This isn't about my sin, this is about the grace that's washed it away, it's not about my love for myself, it's about the love that looks past my sin, my horrible scars, defects, shortcoming, and infatuation with myself and says "I don't care about that, I love you, I want all of you, your undivided attention."

I'm striving for that goal to let my Abba be the center of my attention, but because I'm human I know I will fail, but I don't care. The moments when Abba helps me do it are worth it, they're worth every ounce of pain that comes from walking this bumpy, pockmarked road.

I feel like I should have some amazing conclusion to tie this all together but I don't. All I have to say is I'm a man, a stupid one at that, that will break Abba's hear again and again, but I'm striving and pressing forward still, knowing no matter the mistakes I make I am not beyond my Daddy's saving grace and love.

Aaron Derr

Hello

So I'm going to India for 8 months and this seems like he best way that I could find to be able to keep everyone updated on how things go. The first few posts are going to be a little rough mostly because they're going to be really scatterbrained so hopefully as time goes on I'll become better at writing. Until then I ask that you be in prayer for me as I get ready for journey that God has before me.


Aaron Derr