You're just getting started

I'm not quite sure what to write, it feels as if now that my time overseas are done (for the moment) part of me feels like I have nothing more to write about. But then I feel a stirring inside of me, a tiny whisper that simply states "that's a lie, you're just getting started." nothing more and nothing less. As I try to get more beyond that, what it will look like, maybe a hint at what the adventures will be or where they will take me I am met with silence, a frigid stone cold silence. This isn't just a one time thing though, it's happened many times over the past few months. Every time I come away frustrated yet reassured. Frustrated because I like to know whats going to happen, reassured because I know that I just felt the Holy Spirit move in me.

I think so often we but into the life that our adventures are over after we have a big adventure, but the more and more I've dwelt on this the past few months I think it is a horrible lie that we so readily embrace, because it's what society tells us is normal, and then as I think on that I start to laugh. The laughter grows and grows within me, and sometimes it becomes verbal, but for the most part it's internal. I laugh because I start comparing my life to what society says is normal and what you need to do to be a success. For the most part I haven't even been close to that.

I'm fine with not being close to that at all because I've had the opportunity to live more in 2 years then some people have in their whole life, and I'm fine with the fact that by society standards I'm just another college dropout whose just getting by. I'm fine with it because I know that I belong to another society who doesn't judge by the same standards the world does. The standards that this society calls believers to is meant to be a life of adventure, risk, beauty, heartbreak, and change. It's meant to be one that leaves us on our knees broken at times, and at other times requires us to stand and take everything this life can throw at us knowing that there are thousands if not millions around the world right now doing the same thing. It calls us to take pride in the fact that we are part of a lineage of many great men and women, and as we stand looking back we need to figure how to move our lineage forward and pass it on to others.

I'm closing this post with a story that came from a game of paintball I was reffing, It was for a group of 10 guys that were doing this as part of the bachelor party for Ben, the very last game they played was 8 against the groom who was going to be Rambo and rescue the prisoner. Ben decided to start in the woods and hid for a while trying to lure the others into an ambush but  realizing they weren't coming Ben decided to man up and charge out of the woods. As he charged out the 8 came up over a hill. In that moment Ben had a choice charge into the onslaught you all know is going to happen or retreat. Ben charged in guns blazing, yelling at the top of his voice. As he did though, it dawned on me, "this is how life is going to be sometimes". Sometime we will be faced with the decision do we run and cower behind something hoping the storm passes or will we like Ben charge towards it and take all life has to through at us? I want to be like Ben, I want to charge through and stand my ground with those that have in the past and those that have yet to in the future. I want to end life battered, bruised, and smiling, having lived it for all it was worth.

Looking Down the Path I've walked

Every time I have sat down to rest in the past week I can't help but look back and reflect on the journey that God has taken me through in the past 3 years. He has taken me from everything I knew and was comfortable with and put me in to situations that have scared me, because I know that I have no control over the outcome. As I look back over these situations though I can’t help but be in awe of how God so perfectly orchestrated each and every situation to break and rebuild a piece of me through it. Sometimes it was a huge change other times, it was a simple change in thinking that I didn’t notice needed to be changed. I also stand amazed at the way he provided for me through the past 3 years. He met every need that I had; I saw the scripture come alive in that as he provided for me in every circumstance. He made sure that I had food, shelter and clothing; He saw to it that I had the money to be able to go here He wanted me.

            But it wasn’t just the past 3 years that I have seen this provision, it has been for my whole life as I have watched Him provide for my family, all the times we shouldn’t have had money, we amazingly came out with what we needed. To simply have had the opportunity to be a spectator to this has been breathtaking when I look back on it.

            Someone once told me, “We never realize how far we have come until we turn and look back down the road.” I find this to be true as I sit here and look back down the road I have travelled, but what amazes me even more than how far I have traveled is how much more I have ahead of me! I have dropped out of college, moved to Rainbow Christian Camp and began raising my own support, I’ve gone and lived in a third world country for 7 ½ months, and experienced more fear, trepidation, wonder, awe and majesty than I ever thought possible.

            As I look to the future I see some of what my Dad has planned for me, I’m going to Puerto Rico to visit friends and share with people what I experienced. I’m taking a full time job at Rainbow, over the Jungle and Thai Huts, where I will continue to raise my support, I’m going to try my hand at freelance writing and see what it’s like. These opportunities excite me, and to be honest scare me quiet a bit, but hopefully I will be able to walk boldly into them, still scared, but being able to put that fear to rest knowing that God has never left my side through all of this.

            I will try to do a better job of keeping this blog updated as I go through this journey. I apologize for the past few months, I had the busiest summer of my life, but from here on out I will do my best to keep it up to date. If you would like to be on my mailing list to find out what’s going on at camp and how things are going, simply shoot me an email to aaron.derr@rainbowcamp.org, with your contact info. Also feel free to email and ask any questions you have about anything I’ve wrote, if I’ve confused you on any point.

May you walk with God and see him moving in you life

I am the squirming 2 year old

I’ve had many people ask me to continue my blog, and honestly I find it hard to find things to write about now that I’m in a place where I’m comfortable. Everything seems normal and boring and it seems so much harder to find God. It seems like such a good idea sometimes to say “you know what? I’m done with this, if you want me come find me.” But as I’m thinking that I can’t help but remember all the times in my life that He has came and found me. The times where I didn't even want to be found, he still chased after me.

                It’s in remembering those times that I often become reduced to a blubbering crying mess, wanting nothing more than to just crawl into His arms and rest, much like a child does when they are exhausted and want to sleep. The image that always comes to my mind when I think of this is of my friend Joe Wisley sitting on the couch talking to me and seeing his son Jake come up to him, fumble his way up onto the couch and crawl into his daddy’s arms and just be still. Then there are the times where Joe will pick up Jake and force him to sit still.

                I feel like this is where I’m at now, I am the squirming 2 year old that wants to get down and run around, I’m not content with where I’m at and am eagerly striving for the next thing. But Dad is sitting there holding me in a bear hug, forcing me to stay where I am, knowing that the future will come soon enough. Much as like Joe knows with Jake, these times won’t last forever no matter how much he want them to, and so he cherish them, much in the same way Dad cherishes the times He has with us where we simply sit in His arms.

Jake, however doesn’t know that these times won’t last forever and it’s only once he’s grown up, that will he cherish those times. I believe that it’s only once we are past them, that we truly are grateful for them, but while we’re in them we are a constant mass of squirming arms and kicking legs trying to get free.

Now to shift gears, having been in the states for close to 2 months I’m happy to say that, while I have bought things, I haven’t been feeling as drawn to buying them as I once was. It seems as if that was a part of me that was left in India, and it’s a relief honestly. I’m no longer consumed with the thought of buying this or that new thing, and there have been a few times where I’m pretty sure God has intervened to keep me from buying things. The most recent occurrence being today.

Now for another gear shift. People have been asking me what I plan to do after this summer, so here it is: I’m going to visit a friend in Puerto Rico for a month and then moving out west. That’s all I’ve gotten so far, I’ll let you know as things progress.

What I learned in India

What I learned in India:

Simplicity

I've always had infinitely more clothes than I need, and always had the opportunity to be able to get more whenever I wanted. While I was in India though, I lived on 4 pairs of shorts, 10 t-shirts, 2 pairs of jeans, 2 button down shirts, and 3 pairs of shoes. For as long as I could remember I had always thought it was important to have a big wardrobe to choose from. If you would have asked me why I would have said “to be presentable” or some other BS line. I see now that this was all I had ever been told growing up in America, that I had never even considered other points of view on this, but after India I see no reason to hold onto this view. I spent 8 months of my life living in the same few set of clothes, why can’t I do that for the rest of my life?

But this view can go so far beyond clothing, it really reaches into every part of my life. I have come to the conclusion that I have no need for a smartphone. All I use a phone for is to talk and text, that’s it. Why do I need to further complicate my life by adding in the temptation to be able to look at whatever I want whenever I want? Why do I need to spend the money on something that I don’t even use to it’s fullest, when there is another product that meets all my needs that costs a fraction of the price?

I’ve come to realize that living in simplicity doesn't mean you have to have crappy things. In living in simplicity you can have good things, but you have to work more for them, it may take longer to acquire them. You have to be willing to save and wait for them. Living in simplicity means not so much having nothing nice, but getting rid of the instant satisfaction part of life as much as possible. When we want something living in simplicity it may mean taking more time to save the money, or looking to get rid of something in order to add whatever it is we want.

Disconnection

When I did my communications fast , I had only MY worries to deal with and didn't have to be a messiah and fix everyone else's problems or save them all the time. It simply became me and God, no one else's opinions or no one else sticking their nose into my life. It was MY life for the first time in my life. I realized that I wanted to spend my life chasing after and continually giving it over to God, and when you surround yourself with other people it makes it that much harder to hear God over their voices. In doing this I quit looking for others to validate me and looked only to God and found my identity in him.

In disconnection, with not using the internet, not all but a major chunk of the sexual temptation and thoughts that were constantly going through my head were greatly reduced.

Looking back through my journal the first two months were filled with thoughts about Faith, and the overseas portion was looking like something just to get through so that I could be back with her. 2 weeks into the fast though I can see in my journal how my concerns about everything other then the here and now just faded away, in being disconnected I was able to focus intently on the present and enjoy it more. Even being back now I still see myself drifting back to the mindset of what am I going to do when I’m done here?

Focusing and enjoying the present

So much of my time was spent looking to the future and trying to figure out what will I do next, but I've realized in doing that I had almost abandoned the present. When I left for India my mind wasn’t there or even back at camp, it was a year into the future, trying to figure out what I’m going to do next, and for the first month and a half I was so focused on that and trying to get applications set up and filled out so that when I go back I could jump right back into things and not have missed anything. 

In doing that I realize 2 things were happening, 1. I  was completely ignoring what God had for me to enjoy then and there. My body was in India and my mind was a year into the future with everything mapped out, as a result I feel I missed some important things. 

2. I was ignoring perhaps one of the biggest parts of a mission trip, sacrifice. I still wasn’t willing to let go of everything I wanted and let God be in control. It took God and me talking late one night in Orissa, and feeling Him urging me to sacrifice my plans of grandeur and adventure 3 times before I was finally willing to give it up. Even though I had sacrificed it and given it up, there were and still are times when I try to sneak back and pull my sacrifice off the alter. Even now it’s still tempting to try and take it back.

I learned How important quality time is to me, and why I need to get rid of somethings, because they take away from the quality time I have with people I care about.

During the time I was in India I read the 5 Love Languages. I always thought that my love language was physical touch, because quite frankly that a fun love language to have, but back on topic I realized that it was not physical touch. I realized that the times I felt most loved and enjoyed is when people would be willing to stop what they were doing and spend time with me, or invite me to join them. I realized the times that I felt most unloved is when I was blown off or other people came in and took their attention away. 

Learning my love language led me to the realization of "if this is my love language why do I constantly neglect my time with God?" This led to me making an increased effort in making sure that the times I have with God are times that will not be disturbed by others. So that I am able to be wholly focused on God as I would want Him to be on me. Thankfully his attention span isn't a reflection of mine.

About halfway through I began to think very seriously about getting rid of my Xbox 360, due to the fact that it was robbing me of the opportunities to have quality time with people. Being away from it and not having the temptation of it right there I began to see that it was an addiction and an idol to me. Everywhere I looked in my life I could see how it was holding me back, and robbing me of the time that could be spent with God, family, friends or in study. When I had it, it was something that I couldn’t fathom living without, but once I was separated from it I realized how insignificant it truly was. I mean Jesus never had one and he got along just fine without it. Some people will argue that times have changed and so that argument doesn’t apply. I agree with them times have changed but I disagree that the argument doesn’t apply The things that were prized in Jesus’ time, God, Family, Friends, etc are still as prized now as they were then, the only difference is that we now have access to a plethora of things that vie for our attention, compared to then.

Began to see a new way of seeing sin and temptation as a way to show our love to God. In a sense a way to take back what was stolen from us.

For all of my life I have seen temptation as sin and temptation, something horrible, something that nothing good could come out of. Due to India I have come to see it in a different light through a new lens. I've come to see it as an opportunity to reclaim something that was stolen from us at the Fall. Obviously due to the fall everything good in a sense gained an evil, twisted twin. So with that in mind the urges and temptations that we face had to originated out of some good thing. I now see no reason as to why we can't do our best to redeem the evil and twisted. Instead of viewing temptation as something evil we instead redeem it and change our view to it being an opportunity to reaffirm our love for God and for the original design that He had for us.

Began to see a change in my thinking.

Since I have re-entered American society I have noticed a change in my thinking that was first noticeable in reading Kisses from Katie. I found myself no longer thinking "Wow, this is amazing! I wish I could do something to help." to "Wow this girl has a handle on how life is to be lived, what do I need to do to make sure my life is like this, and what can I be doing to help her and others like her?" Quiet frankly it is freeing, I no longer have the constant thoughts of I want to buy this, this, and this. While those thoughts still come they are easier to catch and push out of mind or to take captive and give over to God.

I also began to become freed from the “what am I going to buy next” mindset. Granted there are still days when that mindset comes alive and I start trying to figure out what am I going to buy next, but I find myself more and more looking to what I already have, and finding ways to make it fit the purpose of what I think I need.

I used to be a horrible impulse buyer, but since I have gotten back I struggle with the thought of spending any money at all. When I’m looking at things now, instead of seeing the just the price, I see what it would cost others in different countries, not just how many hows, but more often than not, how many days of working would it cost them in order to obtain this movie, or this game, etc.

Take thoughts captive

Most of the times when I fall to sexual temptation, for me it all starts with a thought. It can even be a thought that has no sexual link but my mind will gradually skew it and run it off course, so I've found that in taking thoughts captive or not letting them run free my sexual temptation level has dropped an amazing amount. If I am engaged in sexual thoughts and tempted towards even more sin, I have come to see just how powerful it can be to learn how to simply capture or refocus my thoughts. 

I started this within the first month there because honestly, India has some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. With the constant exposure to that it was very easy for me to let my mind wander and engage in all sorts of thoughts and fantasies. Through the wandering of my mind, it led to a huge increase in sexual temptation, most of which I gave in to. I decided though that I didn’t want my trip to be characterized by that. So I began diving in to the Bible for help, and I realized there are really only 3 things we can do on our own. 1. Flee, 2. Avoid, and 3.Take thoughts captive. Since the first 2 would be a little harder to accomplish without becoming a social pariah I decided to focus on the last one. Right away I was met with great success in it and the level of temptation dropped tremendously. I thought it would be something hard to do, but it was as simple as praying a quick prayer like “God, these thoughts are not mine to have, take them and do with them what you will” or similar to it.

Throughout my time there were times when I slacked off and I could see the increase in the temptation, so I’ve realized this is for me now one of my most effective tools in my fight for my purity. 

Began to see where I can talk and where I need to shut up.

There was a part of the trip where I began to become very disillusioned with the church. I realized that the church as a whole seemed to focus on treating the symptoms and hardly ever the disease. We focused on Homosexuality, Divorce, Single Mothers, Fatherlessness, Promiscuousness, etc, theses aren't the problem though, they are simply symptoms, the disease being that the church is sick. She is not as healthy as she should be, she is in fact crippled by disease. 

As I thought over this, trying to see ways that I could solve the problem(which now I see as pointless) I began to realize that I have a very limited involvement in the church. Not meaning I don’t have any interaction, but I have never worked in a church so I have not been privileged to see that side of the workings. I have only seen one side and as a result of only seeing a part of the problem I have come to realize that I have no reason to criticize the church, because I can only see one part of the problem. I don’t understand the whole problem.

I understand that we can come up with all these great ideas about how other people can change, but honestly, if we would spend the same amount of time that we spend complaining about how others need to change and began to start making the changes in our own life, then we would begin to make a difference. If we could live our lives in such a way that makes others in the body take notice then we might actually begin to change things. 

I feel like this is an issue that I can talk about because it is one that I am directly involved in, it’s one that has a personal stake for me in it. I honestly think that if everyone, myself included, would focus on our problems, then we could  eliminate a huge chunk of the problems in the church. I can argue and complain about how people need to change, but until I start looking at myself, and judging myself as critically as I judge others, I’m just waisting my breath.

 Quit seeing problems as simply a thing to fix, but as opportunities.

Anytime I was faced with a problem my first reaction was always “OK how can I make this go away?” Which sometimes I think can be a good thing, but it had gotten to the point where the thing was applying to people and they weren’t people anymore just a mass of problems. In doing this I was losing sight of the fact that the reason Jesus came was simply relationship. We always say that He cam to save, and while that’s true, He doesn’t save without relationships. With that in mind I began to quit looking at problems as something to make go away, but as opportunities to begin new relationships with people. Through problems people become vulnerable, and those vulnerabilities open new doors to us to start new relationships, that other wise may have had no chance whatsoever of coming about.

How much time we spend trying to pleases other people

Having had the opportunity to step back and look at the world through another set of eyes other then American ones, I have see how much time we spend chasing after other’s approval , and trying to make sure that we step on no ones toes. Fact: toes were made to be stepped on and people made to be pissed off (but loved in the process). I believe this true, I believe that the main reason we send so much time trying to please other people, is because in that we can obtain a sense of validation from them. Quite frankly it is easier to look to other people for validation approval than to look to ourselves, but we are our own worst judge making it so much harder for us to feel validated or worth something. 

That is my view from the world’s perspective, but as a Christian I’ve realized that we have another place to turn to for validation, which is God. When I’m willing to drop our obsession with the world and it’s idea of validation, and turn to God, and receive from Him, not only my validation, but also love, sonship, and redemption. I fond my life became simpler, I didn’t have to be obsessed with all the social faux-pas.

The Cost was worth it.

I sat a few days ago and began to calculate what this trip had cost me personally. I don’t mean just how much money, while that was one of the things, but it is not the main thing I looked at. I came to the following conclusion: It cost me somewhere between $4000-$5000. It cost me precious time that I could have spent with family and friends. It cost me my identity. It cost me some friendships. It cost me my American mindset. It cost me my comfort. It cost me a college degree. In the worlds eye’s it ruined my life, and in my eye’s, it also ruined my life. It ruined my life in a different way than the world see’s it as though. It ruined my comfort, destroyed my identity, completely obliterated how I viewed myself, and it set me free. I was dashed to pieces and slowly painfully put back together as a new creation, for the first time truly embracing what that means to be a new creation in Christ.

As I sit here clicking away on this keyboard writing this paper, I can hardly keep back the tears, tears of joy that I made it through, that I grew closer to God, that I am no longer the man I was. But also tears of heartbreak. Heartbroken that it is over, heartbroken that it will be years before I am able to see the friends I made there again. I find myself more consumed by one joy than any other feeling though. The joy of my new identity and new life that I have truly found. Until my old identity was completely destroyed and I was left broken, alone, scared, and miserable, I was not able to become the man I am now.

I sit here with tears falling and count the cost and come to this conclusion. Everything that I “sacrificed”, everything that the world says I lost, as I look at it, I realize that for the 10 worst days I had the past 8 months, those 10 days were worth the cost. The other 200 that were ok, good, great, amazing, or even life changing. That price comes nowhere what they were worth to me, and nothing that this world holds will ever come close.

I am Terrified

In the time I've been here in India I've noticed some changes in myself that have come about. Some have been the result of a conscience choice to change while others have be brought on, more or less, against my will. But, I realize that even if they were against what I wanted at the time, I have come to enjoy them, and I am terrified of being put back into American culture. So many of the changes that have happened have been to break the American mindset that I had lived in for 22 years. I am so afraid that I will just slide back into those habits, that I won't be able to enforce them in myself, so I've been racking my brain for the past few days as to ways that I can enforce these changes upon myself, and then this morning it dawned on me, I can't enforce these changes in myself. Deep down I am an arrogant, lustful, stubborn man who is resistant to change. The only way I can make any of these changes stick is by submitting myself to God, and being willing to crucify my pride. Regrettably, I realize this is not something that can be done one and then it's more life, it may be like tat for some people but not for me. I realize that I must do that daily, and probably more than once a day.

When I step back and look at all the changes I realize they mostly center around one thing: Pride, the great assassin of so many Christians. I've been reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis and he has some really good thoughts on pride, He actually refers to it as the Great Sin.

He starts a chapter with the following quote, " Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness and all that, are merely flea bites in comparison: it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind." Reading this blew me away, and at first I was skeptical but the more I reflected on it I came to see that he is, in fact, dead on. Pride is the root cause of the pain and grief in this world, and it does lead to every other major vice. It leads to other vices because pride is nothing but competitiveness. Lewis sums this up perfectly. "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man." 

Think back to a time when you were one of the first people to get something, something that nobody around you had, that item was your most prized possesion. But then others around you began to get that item, and the more people that acquired it the less important it became to you.

But not every aspect of pride is horrible, pride is a natural human emotion, but like so many other things that are natural, this has become mutilated by The Fall. If you would take no pride in your work, you would have no reason to do our best, you would simply do it to get it done. But by taking pride, we as humans are able to compose symphonies, create masterpieces, bring new life from the soil, and build amazing buildings.

4 Weeks left

It has been an amazing past few weeks, that have flown by. It is stunning to me to think that I only have 1 month left here. But I have been all over to see amazing things, but perhaps the most amazing was the time I got to spend this past weekend with one of the preachers, named Baskar(pronounced Baska) Rao. He ministers to a small congregation in the village of Anjur. Anjur really is a village, it has mud huts, thatch roofs and stick fences. But the people that reside in this tiny hamlet are incredibly joyful, the one I remember most though was a man named Moshi. Moshi is and elder in the church at Anjur, but he is also a field worker. When Baskar Rao called him and told him that he was coming and bringing someone to visit He left the fields and ran home. He arrived right as we were leaving so I was only able to meet him very briefly, but in that brief amount of time he made such an impact on me. As we were getting ready to leave he asks us to wait and runs into his hut to grab something, he emerges a few minuets later and presses something into my hand. I look and see it's a 20 rupee note, this is about 1/6 of what he makes in day, I try and give it back because he needs it more than I do. But he insists I take saying, that he wants to be able to give me a blessing, even if it's something small, I was blown away by this and as we left my eyes began to tear up some. Here I am a spoiled American and he sees past that to see me as the brother in Christ that I am, and chooses to bless me with 20 rupees(which is about 40 cents). I was just amazed.

One other thing made the weekend memorable and that was the sunday morning service, I found out I was preaching about 2 hours before the service started, but this is a common Indian thing to do so I had come prepared thankfully. But the church building had been a brick structure with a thatch roof and wood screen work on the sides. At the end of January though it caught fire and all the wood and thatch burnt up, which left it with 2 stone walls at opposite ends of the church and a knee high brick wall connecting them, but they simply got a tarp put it over and met under it. It was amazing to be a part of that, the proof that despite Satan's best attempts to tear them apart they still met together because they realized that the church is not a building, but that they are they church, the bride and it was beautiful bride, that Sunday, covered by a tarp, soaked in sweat yet still praising God despite the hardships.

The church had burned down because a nearby farmer was stealing power, and the way he hooked up the wire was very poorly done, which led to a series of sparks, which led to the fire.

About a week ago I began to question my sanity a little, this came about because I saw a cobra. Now a normal person would back away and try and get to a safe place, but since I had my camera I wanted a picture of it with it's hood up, so I get closer and then start throwing rocks at it in hopes of makes it's hood come up, but it just tries to escape...So I started chasing it and throwing more rocks at it, in the end I didn't get the picture. In the course of questioning my sanity I realized I'm not insane I just have my parent's genes. My mom's desire to get good pictures, and my dad's love of nature and seeing what it can do. I say this about my dad because a few years ago we were in Florida and he saw an aligator, so instead of being content to just see one, he wanted to see one in action so, he started throwing rocks...like Father like son haha.

When I Look At The Stars

A few nights ago I was blessed to witness the most beautiful sight I gave ever seen. One of the staff here had mentioned that they had seen some light sin the hills the previous night, so I set off towards the back of the property with my camera and a tripod to see if I could get some interesting shots. The walk back to the fields where you can get a really good view of the hills is illuminated almost the whole way, but the last 20 yards or so there are no lights as you walk between to rows of trees still not entirely able to see the sky. But as I emerged from the trees into the field I was rendered speechless by what I saw. There splashed before me on the campus of the night shy where more stars then I have ever seen before in my life, whats more it was the clearest I have ever seen the stars before. They really did shine like diamonds and for the first time in my life I actually saw the stars twinkling. Now I'd read in novels where they saw somethings so beautiful that it brought them to their knees and left them speechless, I never believed that this was something that could actually happen. There in that field though I experienced it, I fell to my knees awestruck by the ravishing beauty that flooded the sky before my eyes. I tried in vain to find the words to describe this beauty, but everything that came to my mind seemed woefully inadequate. For 20 minutes I stayed there, frozen in silent awe at the works of my Father's hands, amazed that the one who made all this considers humanity as his best creation, and the power it took to paint this masterful display of the night was able to be contained in a human body. Even more that the very being that had all this power, allowed himself to be humiliated, beaten and hung on a cross and took my sin, which at that moment seemed as vast as the sky spread before, and forgot it, He let it dissipate into the air as a passing smoke never to be brought up between us again.

A Talk With A Friend.

Tonight I had the opportunity to speak with a man who I have perhaps one of the weirdest, yet so-amazing-that-had-to-be-ordained-by-God friendship. This man is Kurt Schneider, and I met him in India in October of 2011. Kurt is a minister in Wichita, Kansas and he, along with the senior minister of his church, Jeff Isaacs came to India to see what Usha and Emrys are doing. I was privileged to be able to have about a week to spend with them, and in that week, Kurt became one of my best friends. There are so many memories from that week, that I often find myself thinking it lasted more than 7 days.

The one that stands out to me the most though was on October 3rd around 12 am Kurt and I  started to talk and begin to share our life stories with each other. We stayed up until at least 3  am(it was more than likely later than this, 3 was just the last time I looked at my watch.) We covered topics ranging from movies and actors to God, and the way He's redeemed us. It was amazing how the things we had gone through were so similar for both of us.

So for the first time since he left India I was able to verbally speak with him, and it was truly a blessing. We found that we are both reading through the life shattering book of  Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. I still find myself amazed at the ways that we have gone through and are going through the same things.

May I constantly be in your presence Father and constantly be amazed by the little things.

Mine's Bigger

The past few days I've had the opportunity to see some of the most marvelous structures that man has ever built, there truly are no modern structures that can compare to these they have a true beauty that has lasted through out the years. Despite all the wars, different rulers and natural disasters, they have stood, with a beauty that transcends the ages and is still ravishing despite the test of time. The first day I was able to see The red fort, Biwi Mahal, and Akbar's tomb. After seeing those, I couldn't help but think, "why do people make such a big deal about the Taj Mahal? Compared to the pictures theses look infinitely more amazing." The next day I went to see the Taj, and there I learned something important. No picture will ever do it justice It is a truly massive monument, that just keeps going and going, and as you stand at the base of it looking up, you realize how small you truly are. It towers above you and the amount of work that was put in to it leaves you trying to catch your jaw before it cracks on the marble. It gives you a physical place to begin to see how big your problems really are when they are held up to God. In the same way I stood and stared at the Taj Mahal in awe, so are we as Christians to stand in awe of creator. So often when we face tough times, we are so focused on ourself that we miss the beauty of the bigger picture that we standing in the middle of, which is the song, poem, painting, or what ever else you have chosen your life to be. I think life is about learning to look through a magnifying glass and the big picture at the same time, but I've noticed especially in my life once I get ahold of one of them it takes me forever to let go of it and go back to looking through  both at the same time.

One thing that was truly amazing was the fact that they were all symmetrical. For every piece of architecture there was  another that mirrored it perfectly down to the distance from the threshold. The amount of work that went into thinking the plans up is truly amazing.

While they are breathtaking, they also heartbreaking, because while they were a tribute to man's ingenuity they were also a tribute to man's vanity. I was able to see Akbar's tomb, the Biwi Mahal, the Red Fort at Agra, and the Taj Mahal. Three of these were built as tombs , and the other was a massive collection of palaces inside of the red fort. All of them were simply an attempt to outdo the people who preceded them. A 400 year old legacy to the male competitive spirit. A way for the next generation to look at his father and grandfather and say "Mine's bigger!"

Brothers and Sisters of Every Language

From Thursday to Sunday I've had the privilege to be at The All India Christian Convention, with at least 500 Indian brothers and sisters in Christ. I had the opportunity to get a minuscule glimpse of what John talks about in Revelations 7:9, and I count myself blessed to have been allowed to see it. The speakers that delivered messages were amazing, and I was surprised to find that one of the speakers was a man named Randy Snyder. Randy was the lead pastor of my home church when I was very young (about 5-7 I think) and his son used to babysit me in the afternoons, and he was the man who gave me my first guitar. So it was a true blessing to be able to run in to him halfway around the world, a blessing that left me speechless.

The second blessing came on Sunday morning. They had us break up into groups of about 20-25 and go out and pray all over the property(we're staying at an ashram by the way which is pretty cool and absolutely stunning) anyways they requested that we pray out loud in our native tongues. So at the same time there were 23 people praying in English, Khasi, Tamil, Telugu, Malayalam, Hindi, and Orissi. The only way to describe this experience would be in breathless awe. It was the most powerful experience I have ever had in prayer. 

Today I had the opportunity to see the backwaters of Kerala which are basically the highways of that area. The whole area is a giant set of islands that are connected by water that is a mixture of salt and fresh waters. This is something worth looking up on google earth. There were homes built on strips of land 7 feet wide, with water on both sides. We took the local bus (which was a giant boat) to see some of it which is so much cheaper than the boats they offer tourist. We paid 10 Rupees a person(about 20 cents) compared to the 2000 and up they wanted for the touristy boats.

Structures and a man with a machete

Yesterday I got the opportunity to go a temple, which ended up being a completely different experience than I expected to be. The temple was an amazing piece of architecture and art. It was massive and seemed to go on forever, and the fact the fact that it was all done by hand 600-700 years ago blows my mind. It's truly amazing when you think about it, the number of structures that are inspired by religion, wether it be Hinduism, Islam, Buddhism, Christianity or one of the many other religions that have existed throughout  our history. I've come to notice as humans, we are a very visually stimulated species(which I guess is a good thing since you know it's kind of one of the most used senses), and with that stimulation comes an artistic side, and from that have come many beautiful things created. But I believe that it is also a downfall, because we are so visually stimulated we are not content to have a something that we cannot see most of the time, we feel a need to bring everything about so that we can see it, which through this unintentionally goes to a lack of faith. I think God designed it this way on purpose so that we have to work in order to get faith, so that it's not something that" just happens."

Due to one of the hospital employees named VijayKumar, knowing one of the temple priests. We got to go through with a guide and avoid all the lines and fees that normally go away with it. While we were in a inner chamber looking at one of the gods one of the priest caught me off guard and put some kumkum on my forehead( Kumkum is the powdery substance that they put on their forehead that makes that dot you see many Hindus wearing). Kumkum is used to show that a person has been to a certain temple. It also represents the third eye, Hindus believe that if you don't cover your third eye someone can steal our power away from you. After it happened I felt horrible, because I'd been warned that they would do it and I wasn't really paying attention. The reason it felt so bad, was that it felt like a betrayal, it was as if I had blasphemed God by just allowing something that is a sign of devotion to another religion to be on my body. I also had the opportunity to ask a hospital employee named Ramachandraiah(who lived as a hindu until march of 2011) and he told me that it was a sign of devotion to a certain God. After hearing this I felt even worse for allowing it to be put on my body.

Many things have happened since the last time I posted. I had Christmas, which was amazing to experience in a different culture where the emphasis isn't all on giving present. I experienced new year in a really different way than I ever have before. What happened for new years here was with a church service. It started at 9:30 P.M. and went until 2:30 A.M. While it was amazing to get to experience this with believers thousands of miles from my home and believers there, I would be lying if I said  that it was easy to stay awake for. It was 5 hours of preaching and signing of which I only understood maybe 45 minuets worth. I got to see my first monkey which was alot bigger than I had expected it to be. on all 4 it was about 4 inches higher than my knee and if he had stood up he would have been to about my armpit. At the time I was too dumb to realize that this could be potentially dangerous so I kept trying to get closer until he ran away. 

I got to do some exploring  in the grounds behind the Hospital which was really neat because all the bush is about is at least a foot taller than I am and sometimes more than that even. I had got a ride from the hospitals jeep about 700 m down the road hopped off and started walking. It was about an hr before I encountered anyone,  the only people that were out there were shepherds who didn't speak any english, so in Telugu  greeted them as best I could, which was asking them if they were having a good day. The first couple were very happy and smiling the whole time. The last one though kinda scared me. I was lying on the bank of a creek taking pictures after a few minuets I looked up and there was a man standing on the bank which was about 6 feet above me. He was standing there staring at me with an almost angry look on his face. But that's not what bothered me it was the giant machete he had in his hand that freaked me out, I waved to him and tried to greet him, but he just stood there and kept glaring at me so I packed my camera jumped the creek and onto the hospital grounds as fast as I could, which luckily was only about 40 yards away.