Pig crap and other thoughts

The past few days days to me have quite honestly made me feel useless. It feels likeI haven't  been doing anything to help people. I spent the whole day working with pig crap, and the first part was just depressing and I was wondering the whole time "how is this helping the kingdom of God? in what way is this helping people who are impoverished here?" But then it dawned on me, "if I'm able to help them make this pig crap into fertilizer, then through that I can help save them a little money which they can use to  help someone else." Even though I may never get to see the results of the work I do here, I get to participate in an act of faith. I get to trust that God uses the smallest things, such as a few dollars saved by converting pig crap into fertilizer, and take it to impact someone's life drastically down the road. Honestly I wouldn't have it any other way, because naturally I'm an arrogant person, I enjoy displaying my accomplishments, and in this way I get to learn a little about trust. I won't be able to come back and say look at all I did and all the people whose lives I changed, but instead I can say, I did the same things I do everyday and learned to trust God more through them. In all honesty I would rather have that then a long list of accomplishments, or a list of people I brought to the Lord. Because in this way if any god thing comes of this I know that it will be because God saw fit to work through those (to me) meaningless everyday things. I know I function best as a behind the scenes type of guy anyways.

I've been reading The hole in our gospel by Richard Stearns(a book that I think everyone should read by the way), and here it becomes personal. What I mean is, when I read it before it was so easy to push it aside and allow it to become impersonal, but here the impersonal statistics have faces and names, I've seen the people that have to carry the water, I've seen the children who aren't in school and have to work or carry water. But as I'm reading I still can't help but wonder what am I actually doing to help people?(this is what lead to the feeling of uselessness) I mean I come 14,000 miles and do the exact same things I do at home, but I saw how much of a lie that was and the realization came to me, that if satan is trying that hard to get into my head and make me feel worthless, like I'm not accomplishing anything, then in fact I must be accomplishing something. Even if it's just as simple as my perspective being changed, it's something that will affect me for the rest of my life. I know already that the time I've spent here has changed the way I view many things.

I had hoped that as time went on I would become more acclimated to things here, and that the homesickness would go away, but if anything it's gotten harder. Especially as Christmas draws near it becomes almost unbearable. There has never been a Christmas that I have spent away from my family, and honestly this may sound a little cold, I didn't expect it to bother me that much. I expected it to be like my birthday, where it's easy to count as just another day. But I've found it heartbreaking, I mean for the past 21 years of my life Christmas has been steeped in family, and suddenly when that's all gone and now that I'm away from my native culture I begin to see how beautiful Christmas actually is. It's so easy to lose sight  of what this is really about when you're normally saturated in a culture that tells you  that you need to have presents and decorations in order for it to be "Christmas." But as I'm away from all of that, it's taken a new meaning, for the first time in my life I can take a genuine joy in the day and for what it actually stands for. I would be fine if I didn't receive a single present this year, and honestly I don't expect to, yet this may be the happiest time I've ever had leading up to a Christmas that I can ever remember(aside form the feeling like I'm not doing anything that I mentioned at the beginning of this post.)

It is amazing though how much decorations are used in the US though. I've never been one to follow a calendar very closely, honestly the way I remembered that it was getting close to Christmas was by, 1. Going to Wal-Mart and seeing the decorations, 2. Looking at the ads in newspapers, and 3. By people asking me what I wanted for Christmas. A few days ago I happened to glance at the date on my phone and realize "oh it's only 7 days until Christmas...huh."  It's actually really nice not having "Christmas fever," (for one thing I've saved alot of money so far.)  But honestly the coolest thing is that Christmas doesn't seem tainted...it seems pure....it seems real is the only way I can describe it.

Hello, my names poverty have we met?

You can see the poverty in pictures and even hear it in the media on rare occasions, but here poverty takes on a face and  a name, and no matter how much you want to you can't change the channel or mute it or put on something that makes you feel better about yourself. It becomes a living, breathing, hurting person with a story, to sum it up, it becomes real. You can shake their hand and look them in the eyes, you can talk to them, and the people who make up poverty will smile and talk back to you, it goes from "being someone else's problem" to standing there asking you for a little money to make it through another day

Being here has greatly changed my perspective on the stories where Jesus heals the men with Leprosy, it' so easy to read about the diseases and think about how terrible it is, but it's a completely different thing to come and see see the men and women whose hands are permanently closed in a fist, or who have lost their limbs and appendages to this disease. It's heart breaking to meet the people who have lost fingers or toes because they have no feeling and didn't know that they were losing that body part to an accident or having a rat chew it off. To see it and finally understand why they were exiled and why nobody wanted to see them and why they had to be beggars opens a the story to a whole new dimension.

We've been trying to get the supplies together so that I can begin to set up an electric fence for the hospital and it's been more difficult to get the supplies then I ever would have imagined. They have nothing like a Home Depot, Lowes, or Menards. It's all shops that are individually ran with very limited supplies and it can take you a whole day just to find a shovel. It's absolutely mind blowing to how easy things are in America, we have whatever we want in one place the majority of the time and if we don't it's easy to figure out where you have to go to get it. Not so here, you go to one shop and ask, if they don't have it go to the next shop and so on. It's so easy to spend the whole day looking for one thing that you can walk into a store and get in 5 min in the US.

It's amazing how you can be in one of the most densely populated places on on earth and feel completely alone, you're surrounded by people every day yet only a fraction on them can understand what your saying and only a fraction of that fraction can communicate back with you. I never quite understood what people said when they said they were surrounded by people but they still felt alone until I came here. It's a totally helpless feeling, that you can do nothing to change, where you are completely reliant on God for everything and you learn to take a true joy in his presence.   But even with that assurance that He's always right there with you and will never leave you is easy to forget sometimes, and it's a daily challenge to run and engross my self in the internet, movies or computer, because with those it's an easy way to pass the time and it's an American comfort, but in doing that you rob yourself of so much of the experience, when you're sitting and looking at a computer screen all day you miss the beautiful sunset over the mountains. When you're listening to music all the time you miss the songs of nature that are being sung around you by the animals and the elements. But most of all you miss the people, you become so distracted by things that you give up trying to interact with people all together.  Instead what has to be done is the times you do feel alone let the emptiness consume you, let it fill every corner of your being, let it saturate every place  and then simply let God take over that empty space. Focus on what he has done for you, focus on the ways He's brought you through the other times that we in our human, finite reasoning deemed as "impossible." This is so easy to say, yet next to impossible to do especially in America. That's one of the biggest reasons I'm glad I was brought here, was to be broken of my comfort. Yes it hurt, it hurts more than anything I could ever have comprehended before I came here. But what happens in that pain and sorrow is amazing.

 The best way to describe it is through weight lifting. You can lift weights comfortably so that you never feel any pain, but in doing so you don't make much, if any progress because you never push yourself. But if you lift until it hurt, if you push until you can move, the results come alot faster. In the same way we can go through life being comfortable and never pushing ourselves we grow a little here and a little there but never enough that anybody would ever know. But when you are willing to go into those times of pain in order to grow, in order to get stronger the outcomes cannot be fathomed

Hospital Sports

    So thanksgiving was definitely different this year around. I spent the day hauling dirt from one place to another. It was a very different feeling, I expected there to at least be some acknowledgement of thanksgiving. But what I'd failed to take into account was that thanksgiving is wholly American. It has nothing to do with with any other country besides America. This I realize is an important thing to learn about mission work. In order to do mission work you have to forget about what country you're from and immerses yourself in the culture, weather it's a few day or a few months, immersing yourself in the culture allows you to understand people better, and lets you see why they believe what they believe.

    People are saying that monsoon season has finally set in, and after today I just might believe them. We had maybe 4 hrs total that it wasn't raining, and to be honest I really enjoyed it. I've always loved rainy days. Something about them sets me completely at ease, and relaxes almost every part of my being.

Today was the monthly staff meeting at the hospital, they had people who work for them coming from 3 hrs away. They do in home treatment for HIV positive cases all over the stat of Andhra Pradesh, but once a month everyone comes to the hospital for a big meal, meetings and seminars and that type of stuff, they also had sports day. It consisted of many different events for the men and women. I participated in a few of them until I cut my toes. I actually won the shot put which was surprising considering I've never done it until today, my farthest one ended up going about 20 yards, after the shot put they had the race which was roughly about 500 meters or so, I came in third but cut my toes open because I decided to run it barefoot like all the other contestants (Joe Wisley be quiet!!!) Afterwords I decided to forgo the rest of the events considering I had some very nice cuts on both feet and was about to fall over, probably because it's been well over 2 years since I did any running of any type.

Happy Birthday Alexandria Joyce Derr

So in case those of you who read this aren't aware today is one of the most important dates of my life. It is the day that I went from being an only child to being a big brother. Today 18 years ago God blessed me with the opportunity to be the brother of a wonderful woman named Alexandria Joyce Derr. 

I can still clearly remember the moment I found out. I was outside with my grandma Dee she was pitching me a wiffle ball and the she heard the phone ring, she went answered it came back and told me I had a brand new baby sister. I'll admit that at first I was disappointed, I was pulling for a brother, but looking back I would never give her up for a brother. I had no idea the amount  joy that she would bring to my life

While we have not always gotten along and have had more than our share of disagreements and arguments, I would never trade it for anything. She has been a constant joy in my life. Despite the fact that this is the 4th birthday of hers that I haven't been around for she continues to grow into a beautiful young lady. It has been an amazing opportunity to watch her grow, both physically and emotionally. But the biggest area I have seen her grow is spiritually, She has gone form a innocent little girl who didn't quite understand the bible, to a young woman with a faith that I'm sure would move mountains. She has developed a heart for those around her. A deep burning passion for the hurting people of this world. She takes the the time to look at the people that I've been guilty of ignoring. She 's always looking for even the slightest hint of goodness in the people that the world says are evil and there's no hope for.

She has also become one of my closest friends, one that I can go to no matter what, who will accept me no matter what I've done, who is always willing to listen to me when I'm having a bad day, who has gained some amazing spiritual insights and is always excited to share them if you're willing to sit down, shut up and listen. 

She's taught me patience, actually no so much as taught as forced me to learn it. she'd brought a joy to my life that few things can surpass. She's taught me what t really means to be a brother, and to see the real value in everybody.

It has been a great joy and privilege to watch you grow Alexandria, I know that no matter where God leads you, you'll excel at what ever you put your mind to. I love you Allie bird. 

Since the last time I've posted on here things have been pretty interesting. I've had the opportunity to see some of the country from the back of a motorcycle. I took a ride into a town about and hr away, I've been there numerous times. but somehow it was like a brand new trip that I'd never been on before. It was a totally different way of seeing things, I felt more in the culture, there was no barrier of the car around me to, in a sense, hinder me from seeing everything. We passed close enough to vehicles that I could reach out and touch them, I did a few times to make sure that I wouldn't be exaggerating. I experienced the smells that went along with the sights, sometimes not the best but, nevertheless were part of the culture. 

The next day I got to  go to the capitol of the district, Chittoor, which was about 2 1/2 hr away. I spent about 5-6 hrs walking around the city with a few of the hospital employees. It was amazing!! We went to some of the shops, saw the market and just enjoyed the city. 

Sunday we had a youth meeting, that I got to lead. It was the first time they've ever had something like that, and it was a huge blessing to get to be apart of it. I ask for your prayers in the coming weeks that God would continue to mold and shape the direction that the group is taking and that all the talks we have will be led by God.

PS I love you too Jenna! You've also brought an amazing amount of joy to my life. I know we've fought more but I wouldn't trade a moment of it!

So monsoon season's not what I thought it would be

I've been charged with the task of creating some brochures for Usha and Emrys to use the next time they're on furlough to the US, and I'm at a point on this project where I'm wondering what I should put in it to make it an effective tool for them. So I need your help, what's something that you find really jumps out and grabs hold of your attention?

Recently I finished a book by a man called Craig Groeshcel called "The Christian Atheist." The whole premise of the books is those that call our self christians, yet we live as if we believe that God doesn't exist. As I read this book, I was amazed at even though I'm half way around the world trying to follow God, I still fall  into the trap of believing in myself more than I do in God, where I try and make things happen more on my own power instead of being still and waiting on God to show Himself in a beautiful way.

Monsoon season has started here, and to be honest it's not all that it's built up to be. I expected it to be nonstop rain 24/7 but instead it'll rain a few hrs at a time then stop, then start up again. It will rain almost everyday, but never for the whole day. It's become easy to tell when rains are coming thanks to something Usha and Emrys shared with me. They have a mountain behind they're grounds, and if the mountains so covered by clouds that you can't see it(it's actually a really cool thing to see because at times you can watch the mountain disappear as the clouds come down. But this is only the beginning of monsoon season so it actually could get worse, we'll see.

This is far from easy

So I have no idea where I ever got the idea that this would be simple, it is far from easy. I freely admit that I miss being home, I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss being comfortable and not having to be drawn out of my comfort zone, I miss meat, I miss people speaking in a language that I understand.

With all this said I wouldn't trade these longings that I have now for the experiences that I've had in the month and a half that I've been here.

The pain on the faces of the people who are stuck on the streets will be forever etched into my brain, yet there will also be the laughter, smiles and the  hope of the children who despite being born HIV positive, manage to lift my spirits when I think the only place I want to be is on the opposite side of the world, asleep in my own comfortable bed.

I've seen a temples that were carved out of one solid piece of rock, temples that have stood the test of time, that despite tsunamis, monsoons and who knows what else have stood since 730 AD. Magnificent buildings, amazing craftsmanship, all in vain for a piece of stone that has never, nor will ever hear their pleas and cries.

I've seen them take the same idols and take them for a ride though the streets. They will get basically a wagon that in the US would be used for haulin' hay, take all the sides off, build a mini temple on it and carry their gods out so that they can have a ride around the street. They will stand there and fan them, they have oxen pulling the cart, they even have a guy, who got the short end of the stick by having to take a long stick and go lift of the electric lines so that the gods can get through. Maybe I'm being insensitive, but where's the joy in serving a god that you have to take care of? Wouldn't you rather serve a god that isn't confined to a temple, that's everywhere you are, that isn't dependent on humans for anything, yet because He was a being of pure love and wanting to share it with something, made us?

Just that thought is amazing to me, that God specifically created us for the sole purpose of love, whether it be receiving it, or passing it on we are made to love. When we try and hold up whatever else we have to do and try and compare it to love, we watch what we thought to be important wane, diminish and disappear right before our eyes. What Jesus deemed as the 2 most important commandments are centered around love.

It's that thought that when I find myself reminiscing, and then letting that reminiscing turn into a longing for home, that brings me back to why I am here. I'm not here to fulfill a requirement for an internship, I'm not here to have some cool stories to share, I'm not here to be able to say "look what I did!" I'm not here to build things. I. AM. HERE. TO. LOVE. Nothing more than that, nothing less, and that's what you're here for also. Being here to love isn't just something that you do when you go overseas. It should be a lifestyle, because when it becomes that it doesn't matter where you are. You don't have to go halfway around the world to be a missionary, you can be a missionary wherever you are. Granted being halfway around the world helps you see it in a different light, but what good is it to aspire to go halfway around the world to love people if you can't do it where you are?

Their God actually listens

As I write this I have just finished a 22 hr train ride. I got to see some gorgeous landscape, lush green forest untouched by man giving way to towering mountains of red and black rocks, then back down to the forest then riverbeds, that look like a desert, with sand stretching on forever because the waters have dried up. The rest of this week will be spent at a conference that Usha and Emrys are speaking at.

Going back, we will have a 28 hr train ride.

This past week was interesting, Usha and Emrys were out of town for for the wedding of a relative, so instead of leaving me at home by myself, they took me to Chennai to stay with a friend of theirs who just moved to India to take over his parents mission since they were retiring due to health problems. They ran a rehabilitation center and school, the school was for physically handicapped boys, they give them an education, and teach them a profession, either as a machine operator, making parts for the semis and tractors over here, or as a computer technician. It was an amazing place of hope, to see those that society had cast aside and told you won't be able to do anything but beg. This place is giving them an alternative and allowing them the opportunity to rise above that.

While  I was with Russel, I was treated to steak, Mcdonald's, Subway,  and Pizza Hut. They were so amazing!

I got back from Chennai to Yerpedu  on Saturday, Sunday we had church, an HIV Kids meeting, an evening service for church and then a reception for a wedding. The HIV Kids were a blast to be around, just constant balls of energy and happiness, they don't even care that they have the such a dreaded disease. They were so excited to have their pictures taken that I had lines at several points just of kids who wanted their pictures taken with friends, or of parents who wanted me to take a picture of their kids. It continually amazes me  how little it takes to get people to smile here.

The weddings are done quite differently here, they have the wedding and then a few days later, they will have the reception. For the reception the bride and groom sit on a stage, and people walk by give them presents, pose for pictures, then go and get something to eat and then leave.

In all of this I was trying to prepare  for a devotional that i was to lead on Monday morning, I managed to get it all together, and this being the 2nd time I've done devotionals, I've found that I enjoy speaking here more than in the US. In the US you don't have any breaks, here you say a sentence and while the translator interprets you have time to compose your next sentence. It makes it so much easier.

Before I go, I want to share a story with you that was shared with me while I was at Russel's. Since Russel's been at the center, there have been many Hindu's bring donations and meals for them people and students there, asking the people of the center, which openly state they are christian, to pray for them. Russel Finally asked one of the Hindus that had brought a donation why they were coming to them and asking Christians for prayer. His reply? "The Hindu priest at the local temple said if we have prays that need to be answered we should go to the "christian place" and ask them to pray, because their God actually listens."

Looking to the past

A couple of days ago I was working on making a drainage ditch through a pathway, as I'm digging and laying the bricks I began to think back on my life and how I got to where I am now. One thing stood out very brightly in my mind, I remember distinctly talking to someone at KCU about overseas missions, and while I was agreeing with them verbally, in my head I was thinking "there is no way I would ever go on a mission trip overseas, I just don't see the point!" As I was on my hands and knees laying some of the brick I started to laugh, here I am 12,000 some miles from home soaked in sweat, covered in dirt doing the very thing I promised myself I would never do 2-3 years ago.


Looking back it's amazing how many things I said I would never do, and if it had been up to me I never would have honestly, but following God hardly ever goes the way we plan. Time and time again in my life I see where I do yet another thing I said I would never do, and I thank God for putting me into those situations and having me do them, because the growth that has come out of those situations is infinitely better than if I had remained in a place of comfort, cause lets face, the majority of the time when you're comfortable you're bored. I would rather live a life that is continually awkward, uncomfortable, and pushing me beyond what I think my limits are.

Another example of this happened just yesterday. I began construction on a compost pit, and in order to finish it I had to shovel about 8-10 feet of pig crap out of the way, At first I found my self very dissatisfied with the whole arrangement thinking, " why did I come halfway around the world to shovel crap?! I could have done this at home if I wanted to!" and then working in only the ways that God can he began to whisper to me " you didn't come halfway around the world to shovel crap, you came halfway around the world to serve and love people...nothing more."

Being halfway around the world is by no means easy for me, I love my family and my friends dearly and long to be with them, but I know I won't have an opportunity to do something like this again. To my family and friends know I love you all and miss you terribly, but know that in a few months I'll see you again. Until look for things in your own life that God is calling you to do that you said you would never do, and when God gives you the opportunity to do them rush into them wholeheartedly, it may be uncomfortable, in fact you may be miserable at first, but I can guarantee you that if it's something God's calling you into 2 things will happen. 1, you will never be the same afterwards and 2, you'll start to develop a fondness for the things you once hated.

Go in the grace and love of God and serve someone other than yourself.
Aaron Derr

Three weeks in

It’s hard to believe that I’ve been here almost 3 weeks now, in that short amount of time I’ve seen some amazing things, but I think the most amazing thing I’ve seen has  to be the church here. I once again got to experience the church of acts tonight, 25 people crammed into a tiny room listening to a teaching and worshiping...there’s now words that can describe the purity of it, it’s absolutely amazing.

Something that is still hard to get used to is the amount of poverty that you see where ever you go here. It’s constantly in your face, and there’s no way to escape it. Trash thrown on the street animals and humans alike relieving themselves on the streets or along the road as your driving.

The driving is absolutely insane, there have been times where I genuinely feared for my life because the oncoming trucks were waiting til the last minute to swerve back into their lanes...there seems to be no order at times, and people us their horn constantly, the only time it’s quiet on the road is if you can’t see any cars coming. The cars here though are amazing, they can get 60-80 miles a gallon! SUVs get 50-60 miles a gallon, some motorcycles can get up to  230 miles a gallon, that’s not a typo btw 230 miles a gallon! There’s a car here that brand new costs 3000 USD

If you want to see a visual of what it’s like, the movie that best portrays it that I’ve seen is The Year of Living Dangerously, It’s on of Mel Gibson’s earliest films, it takes place in Jakarta and was filmed on location. You actually see the slums as they are

I’ve witnessed some things that you don’t normally get to see. For instance, last night I was out on the porch and a scorpion about 8-10 inches long is crawling around. I’ve seen children that have a disease that will kill them eventually (HIV) so happy because there are some dentist and dental student, who are the first people willing to work on their teeth, how many kids do you know excited to have a tooth pulled? I’ve watched a cremation. A man who was HIV positive, who was nothing more than a skeleton with some skin stretched over the bones, was placed onto a funeral pyre, wood was stacked around him salt and kerosene were poured on him and a match was lit. I’ve seen the largest vegetable and fruit market in all of Asia, beggars so excited to receive what in the U.S, is a  quarter, because now they get to eat tonight. People whose face light up simply because you took their picture, and people whose hearts broke because you were in too much of a hurry to spend 5 seconds and take a picture of them and their stands. Cows roaming free in the streets and markets. Lizards running around on my ceiling when I wake up, I’ve heard 4 women sing in a language completely foreign to me, yet it was the most beautiful music I have ever heard that far surpassed any choir I’ve ever heard.  But the most beautiful was today, I watched 4 people be baptized in to the family of God...It was amazing, everyone was dripping with sweat but they were all there to watch them take another step on their journey with God.

A Big Pile of Fruit

SO I got to go to the biggest fruit market in all of Asia today....it was amazing the colors were so vibrant and bold. But the best part has been the people, they are so happy just to have you pay a little bit of attention to them, they constantly ask you to take pictures(or snaps as they call em.) They don't even want to see the pictures most of the time. They're just happy that you acknowledged their existence and treated them like a human being...It blows me away how something as simple as taking 5 seconds to snap a picture of them, can mean the world to them.

We dropped Kurt and Jeff off at the airport today...It was a sad yet happy time for us, or me at least. I was sad to have them leave because they re energized me and gave me a passion for what's going on here. It may sound silly but in that first week of being here and adjusting to jet lag really drained everything out of me. It was a happy time also because they're going back to make others aware of what's going on here, and you can tell just by being around them the passion that they have for the people. Also I have the opportunity to go and visit, and see new places.

Whats happening

So , the past few days have been absolutely awesome! Wednesday morning I got to go with Emrys to Chennai early in the morning and got to spend the whole day in downtown Chennai, seeing the shops and being completely consumed by everything there. It was nice though, I was able to see over everyone and not have to stand on tiptoe to see things. The sights were amazing streets were packed with people going everywhere. There was also an incredible amount of poverty that is on every street still blows your mind. You expect it to end after a while but it never does

Another thing that leaves your mouth on the ground are the colors. It’s weird to see the beauty of all the colors, mixed with poverty. It catches you off guard. I got to ride the busses of the city, it’s so different from the busses in the U.S. they have as many people as can fit pressed up against one another, and your personal bubble is made of spandex if you have one at all.

Thursday we wandered about the city some more, simply killing time, The reason we were in the city was to pick up 2 preachers that were coming in from the U.S. for a couple of days. We went to the airport to get them at 11:45 P.M., and  we were there until 1.

Jeff and Kurt have been a blessing to have around in just the short amount of time they’ve been here, they are both very talkative and hilarious. They are also deeply passionate about what they do and just people in general. 5 minutes with them and it’s so easy to tell. They have such a passion for the lost people of this world and they let it burn so bright, they don’t try and hold it back at all.

Friday was just driving around Chennai giving Jeff and Kurt the opportunity to see some of the city, we then headed back to Yerpedu and as soon as we got back we left to go to a bible study. The bible studies here are beautiful, I can’t understand a word of them, but you can feel Abba moving in the air. They start every Bible study with songs, the only instrument they may have is a tambourine, but this is every once in a while. They all sing together, some of the people don’t have song books, but they have notebooks that they’ve copied every word down in, simply so they can have a copy of whats being sung. It’s not for show, they don’t have to have “the right sound” or a talented leader, all they need is the opportunity. The worship that I’ve seen in the homes here has far surpassed any worship services I have seen in the U.S.

I’m not bashing the worship services in the U.S. at all, what I’m saying is here you see worship stripped of everything that we have added to it as something “you have to have”, something that I never see anymore. It’s simple, not always on key or on tempo, but it’s straight from the heart, without regard as to what anyone thinks but God.

Saturday was an awesome day for us we went to a meeting that was a celebration for starting a new church, but the really cool thing was Usha and Emrys had no hand in starting this church, it was done by the leaders and such they've been training here. That has been they’re purpose all along, so that if they have to leave the church will survive, all the churches that they or the people under them have started are completely self supporting, that way if all foreign aid disappears, it will continue!!! In the same way they’ve been raising up leaders and mentoring people in a culture thats very much of a following, not leading culture. The work they’re doing is beautiful here.

Navvu! (Smile)

So I spent last Saturday taking pictures of  45 or so kids, all of which were HIV positive, the oldest at about 12, the youngest at 4 or 5. It started out as quite a somber day in my mind, I focused on the fact that there was the possibility that some of these kids could die by the time that next months meeting rolls around. But it was impossible to stay gloomy surrounded by 45 kids all smiling, laughing and running around. Though they have been born with a disease that there is no known cure for, and will have to be extremely conscious of the decisions they make the rest of their life, each of which could drastically effect their life for the better or the worst, and will be dependent on taking medication at a precise time twice every day in order to keep this disease at bay, they are inescapably happy. They ran about with the biggest smiles on they're faces, and seeing those smiles, lifted my spirits and brought me to the realization that if they  can be so happy despite their struggles and situation, what right do I have to be gloomy and moody about? If they're happy shouldn't I be also? After all this day was setup for them, not some snotty American.

They were even more excited about this meeting than others, why so? They were going to be getting dental check ups, teeth pulled, cleaned, etc, the stuff we all dread going to the dentist for. They were excited because there finally were dentist who were willing to work on them. You See because they're HIV positive dentist here refused to work on them, so most of them have to suffer from toothaches from teeth that need pulled or other things that a simple trip to the dentist for you or I would fix. They were now, for some the first time, being treated as equals, as human beings, not a plague to avoid, or an object to be kicked back out to the street, but as humans. They were given the treatment they had for so long been denied. The dentist also took a look at the parents who who were HIV positive, who also faced the same discrimination . This was such a joyous day, seeing the smiles that  had been cleaned to shine even brighter thanks to a group of dentist and college students who were willing to go against the grain of their society and possibly show them there is nothing to be afraid of.

You see they are turned away out of ignorance and fear. Most people in India won't associate with HIV positives for fear of becoming HIV positive themselves, they think that by simply touching them.  Because of this people will tell them, "get away from me, don't touch me, I don't want to become like you!" Because of this some of these children have never received a loving touch or a hug or phyisical touch that wasn't meant to harm them.

I learned a Telugu word which came in handy for all the picture taking, Navvu, which means smile, and it was so appropriate a word to learn for such a day. That is the only Telugu I know, but most of the time simply smiling at them and then watching their faces light up was so amazing I didn't have to say anything at all...it's amazing how much a smile can say....Go smile at random strangers and watch their faces light up, if they look at you weird so what! They don't know you, and you'll probably never see them again and why should you feel stupid for trying to brighten they're day? If they wanna blow you off so be it, but don't let them dampen you're mood. Now go and smile and wave at someone you don't know.

So I'm in India

So it's been a crazy couple of days since I stepped off the plane on Wednesday morning. I arrived at 5 AM local time which was 7:30 PM Tuesday at home.From the airport we traveled to Usha's nephew's apartment in Chennai. The drive there was crazy,  we were swerving in and out of traffic...if you want to know what the driving is like in India take all the U.S. road rules you know and throw them out the window then double tap to make sure they're dead and you have an inkling of what it's like. People darting in and out of traffic on foot and motorcycle made for a nerve wracking ride. We arrived at the apartment safely, but I'm sure I put some new grooves into the handle with how hard I was squeezing at times.

We had a light breakfast and then headed out to run some errands in Chennai, I got to see what I thought was a large portion of Chennai, but turns out I didn't even see a tenth of the city. We ran to various places to pick up odds and ends, and somewhere in the middle of it we stopped off for my first real meal in India, Usha ordered for me, I can't remember what t was called but it was a tortilla folded and fried that went from about my fingertips to my elbow and was as wide as my face...I ate the whole thing and it was quite good, we ran more errands picked up a few things I didn't pack and then went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch before leaving for he hospital. The drive to the hospital took about 3 hrs I dozed off for about half of it making it the most sleep I'd got at one time since Sunday night.

We arrived at the hospital around 6, got unloaded and got to meet people and what not, after this I began unpacking, as everything was unpacked it finally sunk in this is my life until April, the last thing I puled out was my phone, which I shut off service to but brought so that I could use some of the stuff on it, but as I was looking through it I found pictures of my family and very dear friends, and as I at there the tears started falling, a little at first then it all broke through, as I sat there on the edge of the bed crying I began to wonder if this was a mistake, maybe I wasn't supposed to be here, and then I felt...Him, that's the only way I can describe it...Him, I was reassured and knew that I was where I was supposed to be. I know I'll see those I love again in a short time and for that I rejoice, but I also rejoice at the fact that I have the opportunity to be away, in a place I don't know if I'll ever be in again with a group of people I may never see again, so I need to be pouring my self into them wholeheartedly.

I fell asleep fairly early at 10 PM and managed to sleep almost the whole night through, but still I tell you jet lag sucks! I'm still adjusting and have hopefully only a few more days till my body's adjusted completely. Thursday was a tour of the grounds, getting acquainted with the grounds and what I would be doing we then got ready to leave for a small group which was in a town about 1 1/2 hrs away so away we went and arrived to a group of about 15 college age kids to do a Bible study. It was nice because Emrys taught in English and then it was translated into Telugu, the local language, so I understood it which was a huge plus. When we got back I got to see a scorpion which was pretty cool...and then it got flattened which was also really cool.

Today was my first full day I guess you could say. I started work after staff devos and was on a simple job just putting up some stakes and rope to keep people from going through bushes, it was going well until I dropped the rope, which was a big bundle of nylon rope, as soon as it hit the ground it exploded, I hen spent the next 3-4 hrs untangling it which was exhilarating. Honestly though it wasn't that bad, it forced me to sit still and be quiet for a while which gave me and God some time to be able to talk,  which was much needed.

After  this we headed to a local Bible study, and it was all in Telugu, which made it a little harder to follow, but I did have somebody beside me translating the highpoint and main topics so I understood a decent amount.

Until next time
Aaron Derr

I Made It!!!!

Just a brief update to let you all know that I finally made it to India, I literally have no sense of time But I got to witness Abba paint the sky twice, once from above the clouds over Ireland and then when I got to Chennai I got to watch another. I can't find the words to describe the beauty

The worst of times are the best times

Since my last update things have been a whirlwind for me. I have been left in breathless awe and wonder at what Abba has done, my visa came through on Monday and I received it back Wednesday, almost a month after I sent it in. The funny thing about this is that on their website they said that it should only take 7-9 day for processing and return.

In my quiet time today I found my self reflecting back on all Abba has done in the past couple of weeks since I've been waiting and at the same time wondering why I had to wait to learn this. After that I started reading Romans and came to 5:6 "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly..." I'd read this chapter countless times but never caught this phrase, "at just the right time, when we were still powerless" This isn't the way that we think of as the right time, the time when were so beaten down, broken, defenseless, pitiful, shattered whatever words you want to use to describe your worst time, Abba has a better one. Just the right time. Never the phrase I would have chosen, but I'm far from Abba.

Up until last Friday I'd been calling the consulate and asking them if they could do anything to help speed it along and such, but last friday I finished the book of Joshua and if you go and read it, you'll find the last 10 chapters or so are lists of cities, countries and kings conquered that seem to go on forever, with which frankly, I was quite bored and wondering "why did God put this in here? All it does is make me wanna go to sleep." Then it dawned on me, "if Abba was  powerful enough to give them everything that was just listed why am I still trying to make this visa thing happen on my own?" From Friday on my prayer went from "Abba please lead me to the people to talk to to get my visa taken care of " to " Abba I am powerless to do this." which for me is a hard thing since I tend to rely on myself for many things. Almost instantly when I started praying this prayer it felt like a curtain was pulled away and I was able to relax and watch Abba move all the more wonderfully. So the next time you find yourself in a place where you know in the depths of your being that you can't do anything and yet you're running around like a chicken without a head, I would encourage you stop and admit your powerlessness, not so that Abba shows up and does something amazing, but solely  for the sake of being honest with Dad and yourself. I mean is it such a bad thing to trade the charade of "I can do this, there has to be something I can do!" for some honesty?

My flight is leaving Chicago O'Hare at 6:10 P.M. on Monday and I will be in India until April, I will be updating this as much as possible for the time I'm there. Keep me in your prayers and keep me up to date on what I can be in prayer for your about. Comment on here or email me at guitarforGod2911@yahoo.com.

Newsletter

This is a copy of the newsletter that I just sent out to my supporters:

As I prepare to go overseas I thought it best to give you a brief update on how things have been. The summer was amazing here, we saw God working in some wonderful and amazing ways. As a staff we were pushed past what we thought our limits were, beyond what we had classified as exhaustion before. But this wasn’t a bad thing. Through this we were all able to grow and deepen our relationship with Christ through it. There were many campers who made a decision to live for Christ this summer, and it was a beautiful thing to watch as so many young people with so much potential decided to dedicate that to Christ.

Personally this summer drew me out of my comfort zone so much more than last summer, while trying to prepare everything for the overseas portion of my trip we were also working on many labor intensive projects so that by the end of the day I was drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I would not have traded this exhaustion for anything though, because out of it I grew in some amazing ways. Abba has continued to expand my views and show me so many new and wonderful things, while at the same time breaking me and bringing me to place where I could not make it through on my own.

I was dean for a week of camp which stretched me more than I could ever have anticipated. Being in charge 24 6^th & 7^th graders was incredibly exhausting, yet rewarding. For the week I didn’t really come up with a lesson plan, instead I asked the kids on the first night to write out questions they had and then myself and the amazing faculty that I had, formed our lesson plan to answer those questions. That in itself was a growing process for me

As I write this my visa is currently sitting in the consulate in New York City still waiting on approval from the Indian Government. Until this is approved I will not be able to buy my plane tickets. I ask that you be in prayer with me for this. I know that Abba is in control and that His plan is perfect, and that He’s making this into a more amazing story to be able to share with others.  I am encouraged in this by the words George Muller writes “If we indeed desire our faith to be strengthened, we should not shrink from opportunities where our faith may be tried, and, therefore through the trial be strengthened.” I just read this quote today but it has been the theme of my entire time at Rainbow. This is not a stumbling, but simply another opportunity to grow.

In order to keep everyone up to date on what Abba is doing through me in India I’ve started up a blog, which you can access at aaron-derr.blogspot.com. I look forward to hearing from many of you and would encourage you to pray with me through this journey

In Him

Aaron Derr

It's not about me

So before I leave to go halfway around the world, my family has decided to take a vacation just to get away and spend some time together without any distractions. Our first stop is Niagara Falls, now if any of you have ever been you know it's ravishing, there really is nothing quite like it. It's a thing of pure beauty, a stunning attribute to Abba's power and love for us. Yet somehow in the midst of all this I found myself concentrating on...well me. I was reflecting back on sins and regrets and thinking how I could have avoided them. I was stuck on this thought for quite sometime until we went to a part of the falls that are called the Cave of the Winds. Here you have the opportunity to almost walk right up to the falls, literally so close that you could reach out and touch them, and as I'm standing therewith Hurricane force winds generated by the thousands of gallons of water rushing past me I felt Abba surround me and just whisper "this isn't about you, it's about me."

I would love to say that right then and there I got rid of my self pitying and spent the rest of the day focused on God, but I didn't I basked in that warm glow that comes from the intimate moments with Him but as soon as it was gone it was right back to my pity party. It took awhile for this to dawn on me because I'm a little hardheaded. Looking back it breaks my heart, but I feel Abba once again saying "this isn't about you, it's about me." Now it finally starts to dawn on me. This isn't about my sin, this is about the grace that's washed it away, it's not about my love for myself, it's about the love that looks past my sin, my horrible scars, defects, shortcoming, and infatuation with myself and says "I don't care about that, I love you, I want all of you, your undivided attention."

I'm striving for that goal to let my Abba be the center of my attention, but because I'm human I know I will fail, but I don't care. The moments when Abba helps me do it are worth it, they're worth every ounce of pain that comes from walking this bumpy, pockmarked road.

I feel like I should have some amazing conclusion to tie this all together but I don't. All I have to say is I'm a man, a stupid one at that, that will break Abba's hear again and again, but I'm striving and pressing forward still, knowing no matter the mistakes I make I am not beyond my Daddy's saving grace and love.

Aaron Derr

Hello

So I'm going to India for 8 months and this seems like he best way that I could find to be able to keep everyone updated on how things go. The first few posts are going to be a little rough mostly because they're going to be really scatterbrained so hopefully as time goes on I'll become better at writing. Until then I ask that you be in prayer for me as I get ready for journey that God has before me.


Aaron Derr