Reflections from Haiti

Some of you may know, But in November I had the opportunity to go to Haiti. There were so many things going through my mind that it took me awhile to process through all of them. This is what I came up with.

I don’t have a clear picture of everything, but I know that Haiti knocked me flat on my butt in terms of how God moves. I’d slipped into a sense of arrogance (this seems to happen quite a bit). So this was a tumultuous week, maybe one of the most mind-bending in my life so far, a 7-day tour de force of God’s exuberant love, grace and heartbreak for a nation that was in the enemy’s grasp for so long.

I have no set order of these; it’s just how they come to mind and how I process through them. The first and I guess most prominent thing is 2 of the little girls that lived in Tina’s house. Anabelle is the first, she has bels palsy I think, I’m an inattentive person half the time so I don’t remember for sure, but half of her body didn’t work right, she drooled out of one side of her mouth, had a bit of a droop to her eye. The other child’s name escapes me, but she is 2 or 3 years old. She is also HIV positive. To both of these my question was “where are you at in this God? Huh?! Where are you?! How can you say you love children when they are the ones who seem to suffer the most?!”

This troubled me for the time we were there. It wasn’t until I got back and was driving to town then it hit. “I AM there in the fact that while they have this misfortune, there is someone there to love them. There is someone there to take care of them. Someone to make sure they are protected now, there is someone to love them. In a world where most people, even educated people wouldn’t want them. Where the majority of the world views them as a burden, I have provided someone to love them. I AM there in the love.”

So needless to say we spent a great deal of time just being around the kids. As I think back on our time with them, I’m overwhelmed by a sense of longing. A desire to be back there, to see them laugh as they’re tossed into the air, to see them smile when you bend down to play with them, to hear them scream as you run after them. To simply be there, to bask in their happiness in that moment is such a priceless gift. To have them just come over and crawl into your lap…It’s indescribable unless you’ve experienced, and even then it’s still hard to fully describe it. I imagine its something along the lines a parent feels with their children. Straight, simple joy. 

When I came back from India I wrote a paper similar to this, with a bunch of things I knew I needed to change, but the problem was I didn’t want to change, so I didn’t The difference is pretty simple. I’ve changed, that’s really all it is. I’m no longer who I was 2 years ago. My mind has changed; I’ve gotten to know God better. I’ve gotten to see a little more of his mind.  I don’t have a hard and fast guarantee that I will change, but there is more of a desire this time.

 But while there is there is the desire there is also a slight fear. Now I know that perfect love drives out fear, so what does that mean? I think it means it drive out the crippling fear in us. It drives out the fear that keeps us from making any forward progress. The perfect love really is the proud parent who stands behind the kid and gently nudges them forward. It gives us that momentary burst of courage to take the first step. Once we’ve taken the step, it steadily keeps pulling and pushing us in closer without our realizing it.

As we’re drawn closer the fear begins to fade, not that it ever completely goes away. While it’s still there it is no longer the thing that defines all of our actions. As we become acclimated to the love we begin to crave it, in small bits at first, when we follow it, the craving grows. With a growing craving we begin to throw aside consequences more and more, just to get our “fix.”

I’ve noticed the people closest to you can keep you from changing when you reenter. They know who you are; they know what you’re about. Our culture is deeply resistant to change, it doesn’t come right out and say it, but you can see it in the way that it tries to kill the new ideas and discourages those that bring them forth. When you come back from a mission’s trip no matter the length, there is a change in you. This is undeniable, whether big or small there is a change. With a cultural mindset, most people want us to stay the same. Chances are they are close to us because they like who we are. When we start to change that change threatens who they know.  Which out of love for the person their natural reaction is to jump to the defense of the person. They don’t want to lose a friend. I think so much heartbreak could be bypassed if we simply sat down with them and explained why we want to change and what we want to change. Since a cord of three strands is not quickly broken, it would make sense to invite them along as you change your narrative, instead of leaving the to sit idly by and just spectate.

Dream with me a moment, what if we candidly talked about our fears with people those fears concerned? What if instead of assuming that we know how the other person is going to react, we just sat down and talked with them with blatant honesty? Think of how many worthless arguments we could have prevented throughout history.

Even if they don’t show it there is fear on their part over our change. “What if they aren’t the same person? What if I lose their friendship? What if, What if, What if?” These are irrational honestly, because unless they are doing something that is in direct conflict with God, there should be no reason to fear. Irrationality is one of the most utilized weapons in fear’s arsenal.

It’s the same fear that cripples us, we continually wonder as we begin to implement these changes the same what ifs as our friends. The crippling part of fear comes when it isolates us from people. Most of us won’t even talk to people about our fears, afraid that they’ll think us weird if we do.

Comfort: The new national pastime of America. We’re so used to being comfortable that change has become the enemy. Change compromise comfort. Change means…well changing. We like to think that we’re good how we are, that there is nothing wrong with us. As nice as it would be, it’s false. Fact of the matter is we were never told you’re good how you are, I think as humans we are made to be in a continuous state of change, continually evolving if you will. It’s hardwired into our DNA. We are always changing physically so why shouldn’t we be changing mentally and spiritually as well?

They don’t have the distractions, technology and aren’t continuously being pulled in every direction. Yes, they have cell phones but they’re just for relaying information. It’s so interesting to see them because they have nothing of what you’re supposed to have in order to be happy. Yet in Haiti and in India the ones that had the least seemed to be the happiest. Facebook, twitter, instgram, and texting surround us where we can broadcast whatever we’re doing to (what we like to think) a multitude of people who are just hanging on our every word, waiting in anticipation for tales of our next exciting adventure. Yeah right. We’re surrounded by it because we’re afraid to be alone. We’re afraid to hear the silence of our own thoughts; I think we’re afraid for 2 reasons.

1.     Deep down most of us don’t like who we are. We really don’t, no matter what there is always some part of us that we despise. A piece that we’re ashamed to admit is a part of us. Kid of like the crazy relative at family get togethers.

2.     We’re genuinely afraid to hear Abba speak. “What if He tells me to do something hard, something that makes me uncomfortable, something that means I have to make a sacrifice?”

Even if I don’t like them, Hipsters may be on to something. While they seem wishy washy (and some of them are,) The ones who are really in it at least know what they stand for. They’re about social justice, fair trade, saving money, being green, coffee and fashion. Oh and making sure you know they don’t care what think (Even thought they do!)

In all honesty the coffee and fashion don’t mean anything. But I like coffee so we’ll leave it in as if it were something important. But the first four are things that Christians should be mindful of! So why are a bunch of teens and 20 and 30 somethings, a good portion of which would probably say they have nothing to do with Christianity, making a bigger deal of this than Christians are?! I think because over the years Christianity has lost its face and credibility. Because of this it as if we have checked out of caring. I know this isn’t true for all Christians, I'm just going by what I see

I always thought (and still do somewhat) that Toms were stupid. I thought them saying we give a pair to someone in a third world country was always just a selling point. I figured they had to in order to be able to say that, but I didn’t think they would be of a sub-par quality. I saw kids wearing them while we were there. They weren’t shabby at all, they looked sturdier than the ones you see all over the place in America. Seeing this, I decided that I would get a pair to help out someone somewhere. But as I thought more and more about this, another thought began to formulate itself. Well, actually it was God; I’m not going to try and say that I’m smart enough to come to this conclusion on my own.

Why can’t we pay a little more to help someone who isn’t as fortunate? It makes sense what Toms does, they charge you a little more than most people would in order to provide for someone else. Why aren’t Christians all over this already? Granted some are, but why isn’t this being preached from the pulpit? Or why aren’t we sharing it with others with indelible excitement? Or maybe we have been and I just arrived late to the party. But Toms makes sense, its something we need, and it provides someone else with something. I’m not saying Toms are the best thing ever, I’m simply using them as an example because they are the best that I’ve found so far.

I’ve realized that taking care of creation isn’t just for hippies; it’s a part of being a human.  We were given creation to take care of from the very beginning. Not to abuse and use her for her resources but to be stewards of her, to protect her and love her. You wouldn’t be just throwing your trash all over someone you cared about

I also realized how real spiritual warfare is. I always thought it was just something that was there but in a way distant. But being in Haiti, a land that was dedicated to the devil for 200 years, it was so much more present there. When I stepped off the plane it has to be what it feels like to be in the middle of a battle.

Before it was always something on a page, like a great story or a picture. Removed from my everyday world where I walked, talked, ate, breathed, loved, and ached. It was if it was it’s own parallel universe. The real world and the spiritual world, two completely different worlds. Then it leapt of the page, charged straight at comprehension and attacked, viciously and without mercy. It transcended the imaginary boundary between realms and opened my eyes to the fact that they are one and the same. They exists in the same space at the same time, one is just veiled to our mere human eyes although occasionally we are permitted a brief glimpse into the other realm. And those glimpses mess us up. They challenge everything we think we know.

So staring into the face of this giant of change how do I proceed? I think slowly, walking with God through every step of this. Taking the time to actually stop and wait on Him. Being willing to just stand still and embrace the pain of the chisel as He takes away all that I don’t need. Bearing in mind that there will be times when He says “CHANGE!” and He doesn’t mean slowly. Those are the times we run headlong until we hear “stop”.